WHY I STOPPED DOING LITIGATION

These are things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm and quiet
while these exchanges were actually taking place. 
            ATTORNEY : When is your birthday? 
            WITNESS : July 18th. 
            ATTORNEY : What year? 
            WITNESS : Every year. 
            ____________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : What gear were you in at the moment of
the impact? 
          WITNESS : Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
           _____________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : This myasthenia gravis, does it affect
 your memory at all? 
           WITNESS : Yes. 
           ATTORNEY : And in what ways does it affect your
 memory? 
           WITNESS : I forget. 
           ATTORNEY : You forget? Can you give us an example
 of something you forgot? 
           ___________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : How old is your son, the one living
 with you? 
           WITNESS : Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I
 can't remember which. 
           ATTORNEY : How long has he lived with you? 
           WITNESS : Forty-five years. 
          _________________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : What was the first thing your husband
 said to you that morning? 
           WITNESS : He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
 
           ATTORNEY : And why did that upset you? 
           WITNESS : My name is Susan. 
           ______________________________________ 
           
           ATTORNEY : Now doctor, isn't it true that
 when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
 it until the next morning? 
           WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
           ___________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : The youngest son, the twenty-one
 year-old, how old is he? 
           WITNESS : Uh, he's twenty-one. 
           ________________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : Were you present when your picture was
 taken? 
           WITNESS : Would you repeat the question? 
           ______________________________________ 
           
           ATTORNEY : She had three children, right? 
           WITNESS : Yes. 
           ATTORNEY : How many were boys? 
           WITNESS : None. 
           ATTORNEY : Were there any girls? 
           ______________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : How was your first marriage
 terminated? 
           WITNESS : By death. 
           ATTORNEY : And by whose death was it terminated? 
           ______________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : Can you describe the individual? 
           WITNESS : He was about medium height and had a
 beard. 
           ATTORNEY : Was this a male or a female? 
           ______________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : Is your appearance here this morning
 pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
 attorney? 
           WITNESS : No, this is how I dress when I go to
 work. 
           ______________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : Doctor, how many of your autopsies
 have you performed on dead people? 
           WITNESS : All my autopsies are performed on dead
 people. 
           ______________________________________ 
           
           ATTORNEY : Do you recall the time that you
 examined the body? 
           WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 pm. 
           ATTORNEY : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
           WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table
 wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! 
           ______________________________________ 
           ATTORNEY : Are you qualified to give a urine
 sample? 
           WITNESS : Huh? 
           ______________________________________ 
           As for the last!!! 
           ATTORNEY : Doctor, before you performed the
 autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
           WITNESS : No. 
           ATTORNEY : Did you check for blood pressure? 
           WITNESS : No. 
           ATTORNEY : Did you check for breathing? 
           WITNESS : No. 
           ATTORNEY : So, then it is possible that the
 patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
           WITNESS : No. 
           ATTORNEY : How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
           WITNESS : Because his brain was sitting on my
 desk in a jar. 
           ATTORNEY : But could the patient have still been
 alive, nevertheless? 
           WITNESS : Yes, it is possible that he could have
 been alive and practicing law.

A LOVE LIKE THAT

I visited Father Rudy today. Poured my heart out and told him what I've been struggling with lately. He listened to all my rants and my lovesick claims and tried to comfort me with kind words that can only come from a 79 year-old Jesuit. At the end of our conversation, he said, "Come here, let me give you a hug." Then he hugged me and said " You are a much much better and a more beautiful person than you think you are." And I couldn't help but cry at that point because it dawned on me that if Father Rudy who doesn't really know everything about me and who i only see once a month can love me with a love like that, pano pa kaya si God?

I can only imagine.

THE END OF AN ERA

I told myself I'll never blog about this. But there's something about blogging that puts a stamp of finality to one's issues. So if only for the fact that I want to once and for all put an end to this melodramatic episode of my life, I decided to blog about this issue that's been bothering me for months now.

I'm saying goodbye to a friend. We didn't have a fight; we never had a serious misunderstanding. We simply grew apart.

At first, I was reluctant to let go. I felt it was a friendship worth fighting for. But when it's only you who's interested in fighting for a relationship, you also get tired. And you tell yourself that maybe, you are better off not having this person in your life anymore. This choice, I know, doesn't make me a bad person. If anything, it makes me aware that even beautiful friendships have to come to an end. Especially if that's what it entails for both of us to grow.

We have a long history, my friend and I. We both thought we'd go through some of our life's special moments together and witness one another's joys. The saddest part of putting an end to our friendship is the realization that we won't be part of each other's lives anymore. But as they say, nothing is really permanent in this life. What was good for us a couple of years back may not be good for us now. If only for that, we owe it to ourselves to part ways.

I won't blame anyone for this. I've stopped figuring out what went wrong and how we came to this and why. The most that I can accept is that we have grown apart and at a certain point, we just stopped noticing. And perhaps, in the interest of self-preservation, we both stopped caring.

I wish this person a good life. I wish that the choices we both made will compensate for this loss. As for me, I know I'll get by. Though I never believed that time heals all wounds because I'm sure that the only thing time can do is draw us farther apart, I still believe that time can make me forget. So that's what I will do: forget about this episode and all the pain that it caused. My only regret is that I waited this long to do this. Considering how things ended, I should have done this earlier.

JEHOSHAPHAT WHO?

By way of summary, Jehoshaphat was a king during the biblical times who led his army to war, not with weapons, but with harps and cymbals . He did this because that was the marching order he received from God. He obeyed without further questions and because of his obedience, he triumphed in the end.

I first heard of Jehoshaphat several years ago. I think it was also in one of Bobby's exhortations during the early the days of Lingkod QC that I first encountered him. And then a couple of years later, we had a Lord's Day Celebration in Jerusalem House and his story was mentioned again by one of the sharers. So yes, I know Jehoshphat. In fact, I like his story because it was extraordinary and it speaks of a God who's as dramatic as He is powerful. What's more, I like the fact that just when Jehoshaphat was gearing up for the battle of his life, God instructed him to sing and dance and rejoice instead. That, to me, was God's sense of humor at work.

But what really strikes me about Jehoshaphat's story is its impeccable timing in my life. Every single time I encounter his story, I am always in the midst of a personal battle. The first time, I was struggling with a career issue and it was his story that inspired me to take risks for the Lord. The second time, I was discerning a major decison and it was God's command for him to just assume his position and wait for the outcome of the battle that instructed me to do the same. When I heard his story again last night during Lingkod QC's 8th anniversary, the message that I got was that I have a God whose solutions to my concerns are often unexpected and out of the ordinary. In fact, the solutions He offers require much faith. Oftentimes, He is not the type who will give tried and tested solutions. He will not lead us to paths that are too plain and easy. Instead, He will ask us to do seemingly illogical things, to expect extraordinary blessings, and anticipate endings that are too good to be true; or as others would put it, too good to be false. He is, after all, a God of wonderful surpises.

So just like Jehoshaphat, I've also resolved too simply assume my position and trust that God's ways, no matter how unusual they may be, will prevail in the end. I honestly don't know how things will work out. But since God is in charge, I rest my case. And in true Jehoshaphat fashion, I will sing and dance and rejoice as I anticipate an ending that no eye has seen and no mind has ever conceived. And when I die, I will look for Jehoshaphat in heaven and tell him that based on my experience, I can claim that we really have the same God.

FAURA'S BEST KEPT SECRET

When I was just starting to work in the Manila area, I was culture shocked. I grew up in Quezon City and studied there all my life so I am used to its residential and more or less, safe atmosphere. Also, having worked in Makati for four years, I was used to its towering buildings and clean sidewalks, and my idea of relaxation from work was having coffee in starbucks and spending hours inside Powerbooks which was a good fifteen minute-walk from my previous office. So imagine my disgust when I realized that one of the things I had to get used to when I started working in Manila, aside from the pollution and the extreme difficulty of getting a cab, was the scarcity of a good bookstore in the area.

But that was before. Slowly, I began to discover the treasures of this place, namely, Alda's which, sad to say, closed several months after I discovered it; Hizon's, the famous restaurant reminiscent of the times when Mabini was still the place to be; the banana Q sold outside UP Manila which has been featured several times in TV shows as the best banana Q this side of the metropolis, and of course, Robinson's place which has become my second office.

Just recently, I discovered Faura's best kept secret---this small bookstore just across PAL called Solidaridad. I was told that it is owned by a Filipino writer whose name now escapes me. I must say, I was impressed with their collection. Not only do they have copies of the works of almost all foreign authors, they also have copies of their works in the original language that they were written! But what really strengthened my resolve to visit this place regularly is their collection of books written by FIlipino authors, which, unfortunately, we seldom find in popular bookstores nowadays. My friend Darleth who is "fasting" on books these days had to break her fast and bought three novels. I bought a copy of the Tagalog translation of Pablo Neruda's poems (I wonder who borrowed my English copy) and the second edition of the collection of short stories written by FIlipino writers of the post-war era.

A book lover herself, Darleth told me that her long commute from Cainta to Faura was definitely worth it. We both couldn't get over the fact that an unpretentious bookstore such as this is selling materials we won't probably find elsewhere. And it's just along Faura, right beside barbershops and xerox machines! We ended up discussing that of all the places in the Metropolis, Manila is the only place that has an element of surprise, character and history. I remember what Quentin Tarantino said when he visited Manila a couple of months ago: "I love this place because I can sense that every street has a story to tell." Knowing now what this place has to offer, I can only agree.

DROWNING IN SWEETNESS

God must be loving me so so much these days.

I said this because---

One, I've had several unexpected opportunities to spend time with this fabulous person who, I must admit, is causing me so much joy these days. Yes, joy. Not just happiness but pure, heavenly, surreal, what-have-i-done-to deserve-this kind of joy.

Two, I discovered this new Starbucks drink---Dark Mocha Frap--- which, upon tasting it, finally convinced me that there could be justice in charging 150 bucks for a cup of coffee in a third world country.

And three, Candy Corner finally brought back my favorite Caramel and Dark Malt Balls which had been out of stock for the past four months.

So now, I’m drowning in sweetness. Literally, because of reasons two and three. And figuratively, because of reason number one.

Maybe the expression ‘dear sweet god’ isn’t just an expression, after all.

THEY'RE PLAYING MY SONG

I wasn't really expecting much this weekend. It was, after all, just an outing. But the highlight of this trip unexpectedly came while I was simply killing time and Tess and Mon started playing my current favorite song.

Okay, i must admit, the fact that I love this song has to do with what (or who) it reminds of. But this shallowness aside, I am always moved every time I hear this song because I can very well resonate with its every word.

This is my current theme song with God.


HERE IS MY LIFE
(Ed Conlin)

Behold the eyes of the Lord
Search the face of the earth
To find hearts that are given
Seeking souls to make pure
To enflame the world's darkness
To warm cold hearts with grace

AM I HERE LORD
FOR SUCH A TIME
AND SUCH A PLACE?

Here is my life Lord,
heart, mind and body
My soul's surrender
take it for your own.
AND YOU WILL LEAD I KNOW
WHERE ONLY LOVE CAN GO
Here is my life, O Lord.
My life for You.

THERE IS A LOVE STRONGER THAN DEATH
PASSION DEEPER THAN THIS LIFE
In the heart's purest longing
lies the pearl of great price.
One love all loves surpassing
True surrender the cost

AM I HERE LORD,
TO BEAR THIS LOVE
AND SHARE ITS CROSS?

Here is my life Lord
Heart, mind and body
My soul's surrender
Take it for Your own.
and You will lead I know
where only love can go

HERE IS MY LIFE, O LORD
MY LIFE FOR YOU.


Every time I hear this song, I am reminded that apart from my present comfortable, seemingly charmed and sheltered life, there is still something more that awaits me.

Perhaps a higher calling.

Or a more radical discipleship.

Or a response to a neglected call.

Whatever that is, I find comfort from this truth: God will go where only love can go. And because He has captured my heart, I too, shall go.

ME AND MY SCOLIO

I was planning to go home early today but I decided to see my ortho instead because I've been experiencing back pains again recently.

I asked him if I should be concerned. He told me the same thing he said when I first asked him about my condition: "The thing with scoliosis is that you cannot do anything to make it worse. Neither can you do anything to make it better. You just have to live with it by taking care of your posture in order to manage the pain."

Hearing this, I wanted to ask, "Are you sure we are still talking about my scolio?"

Because for a while there, I thought he was referring to matters of the heart where the same you-can't-do-anything-about-it principle equally applies. I know from experience, however, that where the heart is concerned, no amount of therapy would suffice.

So I thank God for pains caused by scoliosis which, though sometimes debilitating, can be cured by medication known to man. And maybe I should thank Him as well for pains involving the heart which cannot be cured by man but by Him alone.

On second thought, maybe my ortho wasn't really just referring to my scolio.

OF ROSS AND RACHEL

There was an episode in Friends where Rachel discovered that Ross was making an inventory of her traits and was comparing it with the traits of the other girl he was also interested in. On the negative column below Rachel's name, she found entries such as: 'no ambition', 'bratty' and 'just a waitress'. Angered by this discovery, Rachel confronted Ross and told him he could forget about her if he thinks so lowly of her. Later in the episode, however, Phoebe again showed her the list and made her read it till the end. The last entry under the positive column read: She's Rachel.

We all know the ending. It's actually one of my favorite episodes--- one of the many I watch over and over again.

I guess there's a longing in each one of us to be loved in the same manner. That is, to have someone look at the list of our good and bad traits and in the end, still have that someone say: But you're you. Therefore, I choose you.

I know I have made the same kind of list in the past. Not that it was of any consequence. But it was a good exercise, nonetheless, if only for the fact that it helped me crystallize what I was really looking for in the first place. Or more to the point, what I am still looking for in the first place.

If anyone would make the same list about me, I would more or less have an idea what that person would write below each column. What I don't know, however, is whether the last entry on Rachel's positive list would find its way to mine.

Would someone choose me simply because I am me? I don't have an answer.

But this much I know: That someone has already made a list of everything good and bad about me and chose me simply because I am me. He did it long before some character of a hit television show did. In fact, He did it even if it meant losing His own life.

And just like in Friends, we all know the happy ending.

BFF!

I had a wonderful time last weekend with some of the most beautiful people in my life.

Last Saturday night, Tess and I stayed at Ella's house until dawn talking about... well... some classified information. Tess regaled us with interesting stories from her “past life.” The side- comment committee (composed of none other than Ells and I) had a field day interrupting her every sentence. Then we recounted our theories and confirmed them with our observations. It's true after all that when you're in the company of good friends, (and of course,I say this while taking into account the principles of proper speech), there's absolutely nothing that you cannot talk about.

Tesse drove me home at 5:30 in the morning. I slept for four hours and woke up before twelve, just in time for my long overdue lunch with Hera. Hera was my batchmate from UP law, my officemate in my first job and continues to be one of my favorite officemates ever. We had a good time recalling our JGLaw days, back when we were fledgling lawyers in our 20s. The thing with Hera is that I never have to explain anything to her. Since she knows me very well and all the other people in my life, I can easily tell her anything and expect her to know exactly what I mean. Our rooms in JGLaw were adjacent to each other, thus enabling her to witness all the events and non-events of my life for at least four years. To this day, I will never forget how Hera had been my steady supply of everything from chocolates to Lucky Me and, yes, even sound advice regarding my personal life. I was delighted to discover yesterday that the person I'm currently curious about was her orgmate and classmate in UP. Considering, however, what she knows about him and her genuine concern for me, she wasn't exactly supportive. Well. That's Hera being Hera.

At 3:00 p.m., we were joined by Mina, another friend from law school. It took hours for me to update Mins with what's been happening in my life. Being the smart, good-natured person that she is, Mina listened intently, asked the right questions at the right time and made the appropriate reactions on every juicy detail. I kidded her that she hasn't changed a bit after all these years,meaning, she's still kunsintidora. We had a good laugh over that, as we recalled how her reputation for being such actually started. In the end, we resolved to adhere to what our block mate once said: 'It is best to have a story to tell than a regret to live with.' I can't explain the context of that statement right now but I have to credit Mina for helping me sort out this specific area of my life. She may be kunsintidora, but ultimately, she only has my best interests in mind.

Considering how tiring the past week was and how long the coming week will be, I'm glad to have spent time with these beautiful, kind-hearted friends of mine. Given the schedule I keep, it might take a while again for us to get together again. But then, I, of all people, should know that spending time with good friends, especially those who know me when I was younger and life was simpler, should always be one of my priorities. After this wonderful weekend, I've resolved to tell that to myself more often.

IT'S THURSDAY, I'M IN LOVE

I can't wait for Thursday to come! And it's only Monday.

My friend texted "tatlong tulong na lang, Gay." I gladly corrected her by saying 'dalawa na lang. Because I probably won't be able to sleep anymore on Wednesday.'

I feel like a kid waiting for her first field trip. Or like a plaintiff waiting for a favorable verdict.

It's been so long since I last felt this way and I can't even remember the last person who caused it. Actually , I can't even remember if I felt this way ever.

So with bated breath, I wait for Thursday to come. Meantime, I repeatedly tell this to myself: Mahal talaga ako ni God.