THE LAST TIME I'LL FALL IN LOVE

Heard this again on my way home this rainy afternoon and wondered how it feels to be this certain and this hopeful.

THE LAST TIME (Eric Benet)

The first time I fell in love was long ago.
I didn't know how to give my love at all.
The next time I settled for what felt so close.
But without romance, you're never gonna fall.

After everything I've learned;
Now it's finally my turn.
This is the last time I'll fall in love.

The first time we walked under that starry sky,
there was a moment when everything was clear.
I didn't need to ask or even wonder why,
because each question is answered when you're near.
and I'm wise enough to know when a miracle unfolds,
this is the last time i'll fall in love.

Now don't hold back, just let me know.
Could i be moving much too fast or way too slow.
'Cause all of my life, I've waited for this day.
To find that once in a lifetime, this is it, I'll never be the same.

You'll never know what it's taken me to say these words.
And now that I've said them, they could never be enough.
As far as I can see, there's only you and only me.

This is the last time I'll fall in love.
Last time i'll fall in love.

The last time i'll fall in love

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO FOR YOU?

I tossed and turned last night in my attempt to answer this same question which God repeatedly asked in the bible: 'What do you want me to do for you?' Solomon asked for wisdom. Bartimaeus asked for his sight. I thought long and hard what I would ask God if He suddenly appears in front of me and asks the same thing.

The truth is, I can think of a million things to ask. But when the priest said during his homily yesterday that whatever you ask for will be a reflection of what you value the most, I had to look depeer into my heart and search, not for the right answer, but for the honest one.

I thought maybe I should ask for the gift of faith so that I can rest secure in God's plans. And then I thought perhaps I should do a Solomon and ask for wisdom instead so that I can make the right decisions all the time. Or, maybe I should ask for constant joy so that whatever happens, I will always be satisfied with what I have and with where I am.

But though I felt that these are answers that would please God, I also knew that what I really want is not only faith or wisdom or joy or contentment. I want all of these and more. I want to be discerning and obedient to His commands. I want to be fruitful in all my commitments. And yes, the human side of me wants to ask for good health for my parents, a stable career I can truly enjoy, a ministry I can do with gladness, and a clear direction in all the other areas of my life.

When I read the first reading today, however, (Jeremiah 13:1-11) and saw how God regards a stubborn heart, I reaized that what I should really ask is for God to give me a heart like His. Because that way, I know I will find contentment and joy. That way, I will be able to sift all my desires and know which ones really belong to Him. I will learn to love the people He wants me to love in the way that He wants me to. I will learn to fully forgive all the people who have wronged me without any resentment or reservation. I will be able to cast away all my doubts so that fear would no longer reside in my heart. I will learn to demand less and give more. I will learn compassion. I will not be afraid and will finally believe.

So this morning, I asked God for that. I know God will not give me a heart that's exactly like His because I wouldn't be able to handle that. But I'm confident that to the extent possible, He will grant me this prayer simply because He is God. His ultimate plan is to mold me into His image and likeness. And this, I think, is the first step in that direction.

There are so many things that God has to reform in me. I didn't want to use this worn-out phrase, but I really am a work in progress. Though I can't elaborate all my weaknesses to drive home this point, this much I can say: It's amazing how God can still love me given who I am. So my best response is to love Him back with a heart like His. And even that is something that only He can make possible. Such is my loving God. ;)

BRUTUS

This is an all-too-familiar tale that still never fails to move me every time I hear about it. Sayang, i failed to see this film at the Cinemalaya Film Festival. But then I don't have to see the movie to know what the characters of this film---the Mangyans of Mindoro---are struggling with day to day. I spent all my summer vacations in this place. They used to knock on our door, selling their wares and asking for just one more cup of rice and a can of sardines. I even had the chance to visit their dwelling place once. If you think you've seen poverty, wait 'til you see their living condition.

Because of physical distance, the Mangyans of Mindoro are probably the most neglected group of indigenous people in this country. So I thank the creators of this film for bringing to fore the plight of my kababayans. I hope to watch this film soon...

WHAT MONEY CAN BUY

Put your money where your happiness lies. This is probably the best financial advice I've ever read. The writer of the article (from Self Magazine) suggested that in order to know whether you expenditures are making you happy, you should list down the things that cause you happiness and put across each item the amount you spend in a week for that item. Interesting. So I made my own list and this is how it looks like.

1. Having coffee/dinner with friends ---- P2,100/week (on the average, I go out with my friends at least three times a week and spend around P700 each time. Not bad, considering the benefits I get out of it)

2. Communicating with my mom through text/phone calls--- P 100/week (because I always text but I rarely call. Guilty!)

3. Reading a good book--- P125.00 (I buy at least one book worth around P500+ a month so if I divide that to 4 weeks, that's about P125.00 per week.)

4. Community activities---- P600.00 ( equivalent to my transportation expenses)

5. Blogging/surfing the net--- P300.00 (My monthly internet bill is P1,200, hence, P300 per week)

6. Chocolates/desserts for lunch --- P 300/week ( I try to limit it to this amount)

7. Watching DVDs--- P140 (that is, if i buy at least two DVDs a week, which i usually do. Pirated nga lang. hehe)

After making this list, I realized that though I'm happy with most of my expenses (community activities, coffee with friends), I haven't really been investing on the things that truly bring me joy, like talking to my mom and reading a good book. I also realized that I spend too much on items that don't even rank among the things that make me happy, like shopping for new clothes or shoes, or eating at fast-food restaurants which can also be expensive, when you think about it. Likewise, this exercise strengthened my resolve not to enroll in a gym or in any fitness program because no way will that ever make me happy, all health considerations notwithstanding.

But what i really find interesting is the fact that the things that complete my joy, like hearing a good homily, or spending time at the blessed sacrament, or turning in a good work, or knowing that my family is complete and healthy or having a meaningful conversation with the person I love, are absolutely free. For that, I'm truly grateful.

My resolution, therefore, is to spend on things that I've always wanted to do but was always hesitant to spend on, like traveling and taking up dance lessons, or simply redecorating my room. And maybe I will watch more plays and go home to Mindoro more often or dine out with my siblings regularly. Though I still agree that money can't make me happy, I know that I should make it work for me, at least to the extent that it can. It may not be able to buy me joy but it can certainly buy me my favorite coffee. And sometimes, that's all i need to make me happy.

LAST SONG SYNDROME

Finally got to watch Mamma Mia! Now I understand why everyone is raving about it. Sobrang fun! At syempre, may last song syndrome. Sorry, couldn't help it.

TAKE A CHANCE ON ME

If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down
If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(that’s all I ask of you honey)
Take a chance on me

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we’re together
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better
’cos you know I’ve got
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I’m alone with you
It’s magic
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair
But I think you know
That I can’t let go

If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down
If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

Take a chance on me
(come on, give me a break will you? )
Take a chance on me

Oh you can take your time baby, I’m in no hurry, know I’m gonna get you
You don’t wanna hurt me, baby don’t worry, I ain’t gonna let you
Let me tell you now
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough
It’s magic
You say that I waste my time but I can’t get you off my mind
No I can’t let go
’cos I love you so

If you change your mind, I’m the first in line
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you’ve got no place to go, if you’re feeling down
If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I’m still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best, baby can’t you see
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me
(take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Everyone has been raving for quite sometime now about Joel Osteen's book Your Best Life Now. I read it over a year ago, and I must admit, it did make me feel positive about my future and about God's plans for me. But even then, I was already wary about the author's emphasis on financial and material rewards. My thinking is that to those who aren't too steeped in the gospel, the book poses a twisted, if not a totally misleading teaching about God's real purpose for man.

In essence, Osteen posits that God intends to bless us financially and that all we have to do is to ask Him boldy and be very specific in asking what we want. There's really nothing wrong with that message. But to quote Adam Key, author of the book Your Best Lie Now (which was written precisely to counter the teachings of Osteen), "(p)rosperity gospel is causing the Christian to dwell on money, financial blessings, and is creating God to be more of a bank than an Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent creator and savior to mankind. They are turning faith into an idol, and are not preaching the depravity of man and the need for Jesus in our lives."

Though I wouldn't go as far as saying that Osteen's teaching that God intends to reward us financially is entirely wrong, I agree with Key's position that prosperity gospel is diverting our attention from the real reason why Christ came: to save us from our sins and to give us access to the throne of the Father. It would be wise to be reminded that in the words of Jesus Himself, He came so that we may have life and life in its fullness. The advocates of prosperity gospel might argue that life in its fullness precisely means having financial rewards. But this argument does not hold water when one considers the simplicity of life that Christ Himself led. To construe the phrase "fullness of life" to mean that the only way God can bless us is through material wealth would be to run counter to His teaching that it is not by bread alone that man shall live but by the words of the living God. Today's first reading taken from Romans 8:18 drives home this point. It states that "our present sufferings are nothing compared to the glory that is to be revealed to us." Indeed, if there's something at all that we should look forward to, it's not the material rewards that we can obtain in this life but the eternal joy that can be only found in the presence of our God.

Osteen may be partially right. I won't be a hyprocite and say that I don't pray for material blessings. God's love would certainly compel Him to bless us. But in what form and when? We can't say. To equate material rewards with His love, and to limit the manifestations of His love to the amount of wealth He blesses us with, would definitely be an erroneous interpretation of the gospel.

Personally, I firmly believe that whatever God intends to do in my life, even if it includes not being able to accumulate wealth in this lifetime, He shall do out of His generosity and abundant love for me. I'm not exactly overflowing with wealth at this point but no one can say that I'm not living my best life now. Most certainly, no preacher can define for me what that is.

ALWAYS SOMETHING THERE TO REMIND ME

Went to mass during lunch break today and was pleasantly surprised to hear this church song from my childhood which I haven't heard in a while. I was so moved to tears that the elderly woman sitting beside me had to tap me and say, "okay ka lang, ne?"

Maybe it's because of where I am now and what I've been going through lately that this song struck a chord in my heart. I need to be reminded that God alone is my strength. I need to be reminded that though understanding God right now seems impossible, this doesn't negate His presence in my life. I need to be reminded that even if i am not as perceptive as I used to be in hearing Him, He will stop at nothing to assure me that He is still in control.

Today, I was reminded of all these truths through a song. Sometimes, that's all it takes to bring me back.

Sa Diyos Lamang Mapapanatag

Music by: Nemy Que, SJ Lyrics by: Danny Isidro, SJ

Sa Diyos lamang mapapanatag
Ang aking kaluluwa
Sa Kanya nagmumula
Ang aking pag-asa at kaligtasan

O Diyos, Ikaw ang aking kaligtasan
Nasa 'Yo aking kalwalhatian
Ikaw lamang aking inaasahan
Ang aking moog at tanggulan

Paniniil di ko pananaligan
Puso'y 'di ihihilig sa yaman
Kundi sa Diyos na makapangyarihan
Na aking lakas at takbuhan

Poon, Ika'y puno ng kabutihan
Pastol Kang nagmamahal sa kawan
Inaakay sa luntiang pastulan
Tupa'y hanap Mo kung mawaglit man

THINK OF ME

I recently heard this song again ( a favorite from years ago) and was reminded of the things I should already be forgetting.

THINK OF ME

(FROM THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA)

Think of me, think of me fondly,
when we’ve said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while -
please promise me you’ll try.
When you find that, once again, you long
to take your heart back and be free -
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me

We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea -
but if you can still remember
stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things
we’ve shared and seen -
don’t think about the things
which might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind.
Recall those days
look back on all those times,
think of the things we’ll never do -
there will never be a day,
when I won’t think of you . . .

(Long ago, it seems so long ago
How young and innocent we were…
She may not remember me,
but I remember her…)

Flowers fades,
The fruits of summer fade,
They have decisions, so do we
but please promise me, that sometimes
you will think of me!