OF SIMPLE JOYS AND RED CUPS

I rarely write about earthly pleasures but this one deserves an exception. I learned today that the Starbucks Red Cups will be back on November 4. Yay! Among the few shallow reasons why I love the Christmas season, this one tops my list. You know where I'll be on November 4.

THOU SHALL NOT ASSUME

Last night, I was reminded of this teaching which, as we jokingly say in Lingkod, is the 11th commandment: Thou shall not assume.

In operational terms, it means that when someone texts you every single day with sweet messages, drives you home, picks you up from work, takes care of you when you're sick, sends you gifts, and buys your favorite ice cream the day after you tell him that you're craving for one, you still should not assume that he likes you until and unless he categorically declares his intention. This principle applies to both men and women, the rationale being that in community, we live in committed Christian relationships.

I've been applying this teaching almost automatically to every relationship I have with the opposite sex. It has served me in good stead, as it has helped me guard my heart and steer clear from possible complications in my dealings with men.

BUT as in all teachings, I have my fair share of unguarded moments when I myself contravene the very principles that I advocate.

Case in point: NOW.

So last night was a reality check. The commandment hasn't been amended, after all. I am still proscribed from assuming. At kahit mag-black and white man ang mundo pag inapply ko to, yun pa rin ang totoo.

The lawyer in me is coming up with a thousand ways to go around this teaching without necessarily contravening it. The Christian in me, however, is convinced that the teaching makes perfect sense, and following it is a way of honoring God and the person who may be causing all of my assumptions. And because I am a Christian first and a lawyer second, I will abide. For, when it comes to major matters, especially of the heart, I base my decisions on Godly wisdom. No exceptions, no provisos, whatsoever.

I have to say, though, that in the meantime, the girl in me is saying: "This used to be so easy."

CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY

Just when I thought it was over, just when I was ready to call it quits and permanently bid this person goodbye, something happened that made me change my mind.

So things are now back to how they're supposed to be and I'm extremely happy. I'm glad I made the first move. I'm glad I didn't let my pride take over. I'm glad I listened to well-meaning friends who gave me sound and godly advice. I'm glad to have this person back in my life. And more than anything, I'm glad that in the end, love prevailed.

Something tells me this is just the first of the many wishes that will be granted on my Christmas list.

PLAYING GOD

Pardon the negative connotation of my title, but sometimes it feels that way whenever I write a decision as part of my work as a court attorney.

My law school batchmate and friend Dred who used to work as a court attorney and who's now in Boston for her LLM wrote on her Facebook a few days ago that she misses typing the "omnipotent WHEREFORE." For those who aren't familiar with court decisions, 'wherefore' is what we write before the dispositive portion of our decision. It's the word that precedes our final ruling and which carries with it a sense of finality and authority, such that everytime you reach that part of the decision when you have to type it, you somehow begin to feel that you have dispensed justice in your own little way.

That's why I couldn't help but agree with Dred's use of the word omnipotent. Because when you come to think of it, in a certain sense, omnipotent is what you become the moment you decree how the parties in one case should conduct themselves after the decision you wrote is promulgated. And sometimes, I feel uncomfortable just thinking about this. Who are we, after all, to decide whether a person is really psychologically incapacitated to comply with his or her essential marital obligations? Who are we to decree whether this kid should be adopted by these particular individuals, who, just by our appreciation of the evidence at hand, seem qualified to have parental authority over the potential adoptee? Who are we to say that a marriage has to end, or that a mother should be deprived of custody over her children, or that a person is not capable of handling his own affairs anymore?

Of course, there are standards and legal precepts to follow and to aid us in arriving at a just decision. And in the interest of maintaining order, the society has to live with the fact that when it comes to disputes involving even the most personal matters, an impartial stranger has to step in and decide what is right for everyone.

But while our knowledge of the law is probably enough for us to determine what is just and equitable, it still becomes overwhelming sometimes just to think think that our appreciation of what actually transpired, whether it is right or wrong, ultimately becomes the reality for the parties involved.

Today, I submitted a decision that took more than three weeks for me to write. Because of the implications of its outcome, I felt, for the first time, the magnitude of what I actually do in my work. It's not that I don't trust my judgment. But the thought that henceforth, the parties would have to live with my conclusion, totally blows my mind away.

Of course, as in all decisions I write, my boss will have the final say. Of course, the parties can appeal. Of course, my conclusion can be overruled. But until these things happen, my determination of what's true and what's just stays. To my mind, this is as close as anyone can get to playing god. And suddenly, I'm not so sure anymore how to feel about it.

WEEKEND BLESSING

When you can express yourself to someone and trust that you will be understood and not be judged for it, consider yourself blessed.

I did just that last night and I didn't regret it.

And so now, I feel blessed. And loved.

This should see me through the long week ahead.

ACCORDING TO THE QUIZ....

I Act Like I am 26 Years Old

I am a twenty-something at heart. I feel like an adult, and I'm optimistic about life. I feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. I'm still figuring out my place in the world and how I want my life to shape up. The world is full of possibilities, and I can't wait to explore many of them.

What Age Do You Act?

A BETTER WAY TO SPEND MY SUNDAY

First, a confession: Every time I have to attend a Sectoral Assembly on a Sunday, I have to literally drag myself out of bed and stop myself from complaining why I have to wake up so early on the only day of the week I can afford to sleep in.

This morning was no exception. In fact, I had to apologize to my Women's Group for my grumpiness on our way to the Ligaya Center.

But almost every time, the moment the worship begins and the word of God is proclaimed, I would feel thankful for being there. Today, again, was no exception.

God's message for me today is this: DARKNESS IS NEVER A PERMANENT CONDITION FOR MY PEOPLE. It may be passing, fleeting, intermittent even, but it is never meant to be a permanent condition for my people.

These words jolted me and instantly assured me that whatever darkness I'm experiencing right now shall soon come to an end. I felt God telling me that my present predicament is not His last word on the matter and that He is still a God whose words can be relied on despite what my circumstances may indicate at the moment.

And then through the sharings, I witnessed how God has been moving in this community through His people whose commitment to each other is beyond compare.

So I went home today brimming with hope and sufficiently reminded of why I'm in now in Ligaya and why, despite my reservations at the start, there is a good reason why I keep coming back. God is in this community. Alive, present and personal. I couldn't ask for anything more.

LOOKING FORWARD

I would've wanted the title of this post to be "Moving Forward" (hehe) because of its connotation in my community but this post is obviously not about that.

With the year almost over, these are the things I am looking forward to in the remaining three months:

1. Sr. Perry's final vows in Cebu which I will attend together with Juanda and Darleth.
2. Reunion with my JGlaw barkada sometime this month.
3. My friend's piano recital, also sometime this month.
4. Our second Pandan Island trip with QC people ( matutuloy 'to, promise, kahit sino ang pwede)
5. My personal retreat, hopefully by December. ( I badly need one!)
6. Reunion with UP Law 2000C (happening this November, according to Mina)
7. Trip with Kat and Agnes somewhere (we couldn't agree yet where)
8. Weekend with the BWMs (assuming we find a common time)
9. Christmas bonus (must be on everyone's list)
10. The return of Starbucks' Peppermint Mocha Frap (my simple joy every Christmas season)
11. Advent, Simbang gabi (I think I'll be able complete it this time) and of course, Christmas.
12. Reunion with my Pol Sci block (which I will organize)
13. Season two of Samantha Who ( I am such a fan!)

And two other major significant events that I'm still working on and can't mention yet here. ;)

It's been a good year---one marked with very high ups and not-so-low downs. Though a lot of things didn't go my way, a lot of them still did. I can't complain.

WHAT'S THE MORE LOVING THING TO DO?

I'm in the middle of a major struggle right now concerning this person I happen to value and really love. Tonight, as I reflect on what to do with this situation, I ask myself: What, really, is the more loving thing to do?

And the answer is: I don't know anymore.

I know I have to come to terms with the messy parts of my life. I have to live with all my regrets, especially the ones brought about by the mistakes I willingly committed. I have to accept life's complications and trust that my worth as a person should not be affected by all these imperfections.

But how do I do that? How do I reconcile my disposition with what is ideal? What is God's mind on this?

Again, I don't know. I'm often told that loving is still the best option and I've always believed that. In this case, however, I'm not so sure anymore.